


Her Armor

by Reikukaja



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Manga Spoilers, POV Reiner Braun, Reikuri, Romance, reihisu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-01-10 09:45:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12296568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reikukaja/pseuds/Reikukaja
Summary: Begins at chapter 38, and contains spoilers up through the current arc of the manga.Titans have been spotted inside Wall rose, and a group from the Survey Corps have made camp at Utgarde castle. With Krista/Historia’s help, Reiner begins to realize exactly how much his comrades from the 104th Training Corps actually mean to him. He will have to reevaluate who exactly he is - a warrior, a soldier, or something else entirely.A canon-divergent AU – What if things had happened differently? What if Reiner had made different choices, starting at this point?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been revised. To sum it up - I hated chapters 2 and 3, so those have essentially been gutted (and merged into one much-shorter chapter - the new chapter 2). The story lost about 4.5k words to these revisions, but I think the quality is better now overall.
> 
> Please note that this is my first work ever. lol. As such, I made a lot of decisions that I'm not very happy with now. lol. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"We will take turns keeping watch. Be ready to leave four hours shy of daybreak."

While the veteran Survey Corps members were keeping watch outside the tower, the group from the 104th Training Corps sat around a small fire in one of Utgarde castle's many rooms. Reiner, Bertholdt, Krista, Ymir, and Connie discussed the strange events that had occurred that day. "We couldn't find a single survivor..." Connie was telling Ymir and Krista about the state of his village, about his hope that everyone had made it out without getting devoured.

Reiner felt sick, hearing Connie speak about his village with such hope. He needed to walk away. Of course, he couldn't tell Connie how futile his hopes were. He couldn't tell his friend that he would never see his entire family ever again. Frustrated, he got up from his seat and began walking around the castle. Perhaps he could find something they would be able to use. After climbing a few flights of stairs, he found a room with several crates and determined they might be worth searching.

He had begun to open one of the crates when he heard a voice. "Reiner?" He looked over his shoulder, not realizing that he had been followed. He relaxed when he saw that it was Krista.

"Oh, hey Krista. I didn't hear you come in," Reiner said as he watched her as she crossed the room to him. She moved slowly, without making eye contact.

"I saw you come up here alone, and I thought you might want some company," Krista stopped a few paces from him. She had always been especially kind to him, and he considered the possibility that maybe she was the one who wanted  _his_  company. He thought to himself that that was a wildly-optimistic hope to have, but he couldn't help it. He loved having her around.

"Do you remember Hannah and Franz?" She looked at him then, but when their eyes met she averted her gaze so that she was looking at the floor.

"Of course," he replied hesitantly. "They were inseparable when we were all in the Training Corps together." Reiner thought about them for a moment. He tried not to think too often of their fallen comrades. Hannah, Franz... Marco... and all of the others who had perished. He found it was easier to keep moving forward if he didn't think of his crimes -  if he pretended they had never happened.

"I think about them a lot," she started softly, almost as if she was talking to herself alone. She met Reiner's eyes before continuing. "It's really such a shame what happened to them...They were never honest about their true feelings for each other. They died – without ever getting to really be together." He remembered seeing Hannah desperately trying to revive Franz' corpse despite it being a lost cause, whisperingfeverishly _._  Franz never heard her words though, he was already dead. It was only hours before all hell broke loose that they were blushing and giggling while fervently denying their feelings for each other. They had all laughed then, he remembered. Reiner shuddered. They had both died at Trost. He had been at least partly responsible for their deaths.

"I..." Krista continued shakily "I don't want that to happen to me... I want to be honest for once in my life. All of us may die tonight, here in this castle if titans have really breached Wall Rose."

This took Reiner off-guard. He had never thought of her as dishonest. Krista had always been the kindest member of the cadet corps, the most selfless. He had been in awe of her for years now, as long as he'd known her. To him, she was a goddess – perfect in every conceivable way. 

Before he could think more about her words, she had closed the distance between them and threw her arms around his neck, pressing her head to his chest in an embrace. Initially, this shocked him and he didn't know how to react, stammering awkwardly. After a moment he settled his arms around her, trying to remain calm. There had been moments during training that Reiner had wanted to kiss this girl, but it had never happened. The opportune moment had never come. He brought his right hand to her face, tilting her chin up to look at her eyes. His heart froze with the realization that she was crying. Tears were streaming down her face, some falling onto his shirt _. 'She is so beautiful,'_  he thought. He was only partially aware of himself as he leaned down, and pressed his lips to hers. An indescribable feeling rose within him when he realized she was kissing him back – the girl of his  _dreams_ was in his arms, holding  _him – kissing him._ He began to lose himself in the moment.

There was a sudden commotion downstairs, breaking the silence that had engulfed them as their lips locked. It sounded like the others were getting into an argument, and Ymir could be heard laughing hysterically. Reiner and Krista broke from their kiss for a moment as the muffled laughter from downstairs startled them.  _How long had they been here together?_ Reiner looked down at Krista and his spirit soared at the sight of her smiling –  _at him._ Her face was still tear-stained, but the tears were no longer falling from her eyes. Almost instinctively, he wiped his thumb across her right cheek- and then the left, erasing the remnants of her fear and sadness. He smiled down at her wordlessly. The look she had in her eyes could make him crazy.

In response to his smile, she threw herself at him again. Their lips locked once more, in a kiss that was far less chaste, less measured and careful. He was overwhelmed by the sweetness of her, her  _taste_ in his mouth. This kiss seemed to last an eternity, and he didn't want it to end. In this moment he didn't care about home, or whether he would ever return. He didn't care about the future. He would be perfectly content to stay in this moment for the rest of his life – her mouth on his, her hands in his hair, his hands on her waist.

Lost in the moment, he came back to some kind of awareness when Krista started to kiss his neck. He felt his hunger for her enflame as her lips touched his skin. Every nerve in his body was lighting up in ways that he had never experienced. He pulled away, breathlessly whispering "Krista... we-"

"No." She interrupted him firmly. "Reiner- I want you to know who I really am," she paused, considering something. "My real name is Historia... and I want..." She paused again, finding the words she we would use. " _I want to be yours._  I don't want to have any regrets about the things I never said or actions I never took. If I die tonight, tomorrow, or in a year... I want to have been honest with you. You are so dear to me Reiner... I can't bare to leave these things unsaid any longer. Neither of us is invincible, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you – and you never knew what was in my heart - or how much I care for you."

Reiner's heart leaped every time she said his name. _"...Historia..."_ he repeated, feeling the name roll off the tongue pleasantly. "It's beautiful." He swallowed nervously. "I.... care for you as well, Historia. I never thought you... cared for me in that way... but I always wanted to tell you..." He was a stammering mess. Guilt struck him with the realization that she had no idea who he truly was, that he was a traitor – someone who had infiltrated her home and brought hell with him. She wasn't a monster, or a devil - as the people back home would have him believe. She was an angel, one whose character could only be described in a positive light. _'I may be a traitor,_ ' he thought. _'But my heart is still mine to give.'_

Historia smiled up at him, and quickly kissed his cheek before turning around and walking away from him. Reiner felt panic rise up within him and wondered if he had said something wrong.  _'Wait...'_ He pleaded silently. Historia walked only a few more paces until she was at the door to the room, lowered the bar on the door, and then turned back around, blushing, "I figured we would want some privacy".

A deep blush crept across Reiner's face and neck when he realized what she was implying.  _"I..."_ He was at a loss for words. He had never been with a woman... he had never even kissed anyone before tonight in this castle.  _"Historia..."_  He remembered her words,  _'We could die tonight'_  and _'Neither of us is invincible'_  and the fear left him entirely. They lived in a cruel world, and taking anything for granted would be foolish. He couldn't assume he would have a tomorrow, or that she would be safe. The thought of Historia dying simply destroyed him. _'I can protect her,'_  he thought to himself. With that in mind, he took her into his arms once more. _'I will protect her.'_

 

_They were both broken, each in their own way._

_Together they were whole._

 

Afterward, the two of them lay on the floor for some time. They had redressed, in case they needed to move quickly, but they were content to just lay in each other's arms, talking, finding comfort in one another.

"Why have you been calling yourself Krista all this time?" Reiner asked, twirling a lock of Historia's hair between his fingers. Contentedness like he had never known had washed over him, and he was no longer troubled by the thoughts that had haunted him.

"It's a long story...and pretty terrible..." She hesitated, looking conflicted.

Reiner felt guilty for asking, as he observed her face take on a dark expression.

 _"_ I was never supposed to exist," she continued, her voice just above a whisper. "I was born a bastard of who I assume was some wealthy nobleman. He was already married when he met my mother... I ruined her life the day I was born... I was a burden to her, one she could never love."

Reiner was pained to learn this... it didn't make sense that someone like Historia could come from such an unpleasant upbringing, devoid of love. He wanted to provide comfort, but he didn't know what to say. "That's terrible... are either of them still a part of your life?"

"I never met my father," she stated emotionlessly."My mother is dead. She was killed in front of me when I was a child. I still don't really understand.. I was just a kid... but a tall man from the government came to us shortly after Wall Maria fell, and killed her... he slit her throat... They were going to kill me too I think... I don't know why they didn't. That's when I was given the name Krista, and sent off to enroll in the Training Corps. I suppose they figured I would be no trouble to them if I was out-of-sight in the military. They probably hoped I would get myself killed on my own," Historia stared off at nothing in particular, remembering.

"I'm sorry Historia... I am so sorry," Reiner was at a loss, and didn't know what to say. It dawned on him that he could relate to much of what she had said. "I was also born a bastard..." He had to be careful about what he revealed here, but he needed her to know that she wasn't alone, that he understood. He wished he could tell her everything. "My mother was the one who raised me." He thought of being a child, in his old room and sitting on his mother's lap. He remembered the stories she would tell him, the promises she made. "My mother would always tell me that someday, my father would come back to us and that then we would get to be a family again," he paused, pained at the memory. He had loved his mother dearly then. She had been his whole world, the one person he knew he could always count on- but those were a child's thoughts. "She made me believe that if I became something worth a damn, my family would be whole again... but it was never that simple."

Reiner had never told anyone about his mother, and the things she had said to him, the things she made him believe. He had tried not to think about her for the last five years that he had spent in these walls. He felt a sadness deep within him - he would likely never see his mother again at this rate. He wondered what her life was like now.

"I found my father a couple years before enlisting in the cadets," he continued. "The reunion was... well... underwhelming... He didn't know I existed... and he definitely preferred that I didn't exist."

Historia was staring up at him with sympathy now, her beautiful eyes filled with concern. "Is your mother still alive?"

"I'm not sure," he replied, aware of the fact that he wasn't entirely certain it was a lie. "With what happened to my village, I assume she isn't... but I have never seen anything to make me think she is dead or alive. Though, I am beginning to think I am better off without a family."

"Reiner, you do have a family," Historia's eyes were aflame as if she knew for certain that there was no questioning her words. "You have a family that loves and respects you – they are my family too. Bertholdt obviously cares for you, and then there's Eren, Armin, Connie, Sasha, Jean – they all look up to you like a brother and respect you a great deal. They may not be your blood, but they are your family" she stopped for a moment thoughtfully,  _"And you have me. You have my heart."_  She rolled over so that she was leaning over Reiner, who was laying on his back. She squeezed his hand and pressed it to her chest, as she kissed him once more.

While Reiner found immense comfort in Historia's arms, her words hurt him more than she could ever know. He was a warrior, masquerading as a soldier. His so-called family would label him a traitor if they knew even a small fragment of the truth. Historia would see him as a traitor, a betrayer. _'She would despise me'_  he thought mournfully to himself. He could almost feel his heart freeze over at that realization. No matter what he did from this point, he would still be a traitor.

_**"EVERYONE WAKE UP! GET TO THE TOWER IMMEDIATELY!"** _

"That was Lynne! Let's go!" Historia exclaimed, as they both leaped to their feet and rushed out to meet the others at the top of the tower.


	2. Chapter 2

 Utgarde was gone, along with any plan Reiner and Bertholdt may have had before stepping foot in the castle. Everything had changed. They needed to act soon. Hesitating could have dire consequences.

Things had gotten bad very quickly at Utgarde. For a brief moment, things had seemed to be under control. Things even seemed to be going  _well._ Reiner had always hoped for a chance to be with Krista, and here... it had happened. She was basically the girl of his dreams, and she had essentially thrown herself at him. It was the last thing he expected to happen, especially here. While it was certainly unexpected, Reiner was not complaining. He just wished it had happened under different circumstances, not just before everything would have to change. 

Four veterans of the Survey Corps had come with them to Utgarde. None survived to leave the castle. They had all perished, trying to fight off the swarm of titans that had fallen upon them in the night. While they fought off the larger titans outside the castle, the rest of them had been left to fend for themselves inside. Smaller titans had gotten into the building, and the group had been forced to improvise in taking them out. 

There had been too many close calls. One of those close calls was the reason that Reiner's arm was currently cradled in a sling – probably broken. The idea of him having broken bones seemed almost humorous, but he had to go along with it anyway. Concentrating on  _not_ healing was proving to be more difficult than he imagined. He had hurt himself plenty of times over the last five years, but those injuries were always more minor – a cut or a scrape that nobody would notice is gone after only a couple of days. This was different, and it  _ached._

The sling itself was a reminder of Krista – no, Historia. It was a reminder that things had been good for a moment. For a moment, they had seemed close – like he could almost let her in and share his burdens. Almost. 

The truth was that Reiner had a mission to be concerned with. He had only needed to be reminded of it. Bertholdt had tried, but it was seeing Zeke that finally shook Reiner out of the fantasy he had almost allowed himself to want – the role he had allowed himself to get comfortable in. 

Zeke was in the walls. When Reiner first saw him, he almost didn't believe his eyes. Zeke was in the walls. It only made sense that he was there for them. It had been five years... Of course Marley would send someone to find out what happened to the four Warriors entrusted with such an important mission. Upon seeing Zeke, Reiner had looked and Bertholdt and it was clear he was having the same thoughts. They would need to act, soon. Zeke was here to retrieve them, probably with Pieck as backup. This was serious. They couldn't  _not_ go to him. 

It was all too much. Too many things happening, and decisions to be made. To top it all off... in a moment of desperation, Ymir revealed herself to be a titan shifter. She leapt from the top of the castle's only remaining tower and shifted into her titan in an effort to save the others who were present. Reiner could swear that there was a moment in which he ceased breathing, recognizing the familiar features of the titan that Reiner hadn't seen since Marcel's death – the Jaw Titan. 

Ymir put up a good fight, and took out many of the titans besieging the castle. The Jaw Titan was a small but extremely nimble titan, and was able to use the terrain of the castle to its advantage.  Eventually, the structure had taken more abuse than it was built to handle, and began to collapse. Riding on the back of Ymir's titan, Reiner, Bertholdt, Historia, and Connie were able to avoid injury as the castle fell on the attacking titans. They didn't stay down though, and Ymir was quickly overwhelmed. She was torn to shreds, losing both an arm and a leg before help finally came.  Mikasa and the others had been a sight for sore eyes. 

In those moments immediately following the rescue of those who remained alive at the ruins of Utgarde Castle, Historia revealed her true name to the rest of their comrades. She was honoring a promise that she had made to Ymir, who was in rough shape, but still alive. 

Eren had come with their rescuers as well. That had made Reiner and Bertholdt's next steps that much clearer. On the ride back to wall Rose, they discussed their options. There weren't really any options though. There was only one choice they could make. They had to seize the opportunity that had been given to them. The group would ride back to Wall Rose to regroup. 

 

**_On the ride to Wall Rose.._ **

 

"Reiner, I think it's time we start talking about going home," Bertholdt had ridden up next to him, and was speaking in a hushed voice that was only just louder than a whisper. They could finally speak about what had occurred over the last 12 hours. Reiner looked at him sideways, acknowledging he had heard his words. "Zeke is here, which means Pieck is probably here as well. Those two are a team - always sent on missions together. Zeke is too valuable to send off on a solo mission to retrieve us, it only makes sense that Pieck is here too."

"You're right," Reiner chimed in, "Pieck is probably here - but we saw Zeke alone. We haven't seen Pieck at all. If she's here, where do you think she is?"

"Probably running reconnaissance..." Bertholdt started. "It's what she was always best at – staying in the shadows, watching, waiting. I doubt she would stray far from Zeke."

"That would make sense," Reiner acknowledged. "It's possible that she's watching us...even right now"

They both looked around, examining their surroundings. There were lots of places for a resourceful warrior like Pieck to be hiding, even in her titan form. She was always the most mobile of the warriors, even more so than the Jaw titan. In their first year as shifters, they had gotten to know that first-hand. Pieck often waited on the sidelines, ready to jump into the fray and save them if that ended up being necessary. Her titan was likely the weakest of all of the shifters, but she was excellent at utilizing its unique strengths.

"You're right," Bertholdt stated. "We made quite a ruckus at Utgarde. Zeke may have been watching. He may not have seen us, but certainly Ymir's transformation would have caught his attention. He has to know that something is up by now...He is likely here for us you know... it's been five years, but I would never have guessed that they would send him here."

Reiner nodded grimly. _"_ No, I wouldn't have either," he replied. _"_ It took me a minute to realize who I was looking at when we first saw him at Utgarde. It had been so long _."_

"We should try to reach him... to brief him on all that has happened," Bertholdt spoke as if this was a matter of fact. He wasn't wrong. That is exactly what they would be expected to do, upon seeing Zeke.

"What do you suggest? We aren't really in a position to leave at the moment. What about Annie?" Reiner hoped Annie was still okay. He hoped that she had maintained her cover after her botched attempt to take Eren, but the truth was that they had heard nothing from her since the events of the last scouting mission. Reiner knew that Bertholdt cared for her a great deal, and that he would be reluctant to leave her here alone.

Bertholdt looked down darkly at Reiner's mention of Annie. He fidgeted with his reins as he thought about her. When he spoke again, his voice was strained, "Annie... may be beyond our help now... Do you really think she will get away with everything she did during our last scouting mission? Do you really think her identity is still unknown?" He hesitated before continuing, "Even if it is, then for how long? I hope she is safe, but I think it would be unwise for us to continue to openly associate with her. It's too risky. If they figure out who she is and what she has done... well... it wouldn't take any stretch of the imagination for them to figure out who we are... what we did. And then it will be all over for us."

Reiner's eyes widened as he stared at Bertholdt. "What are you saying?" He was struggling to keep his voice at a whisper. He hadn't expected such cold resolve from his friend.

"Reiner," Berthold looked pained. "You know how much I care about her. You know how much I want to leave these walls for good, and take her with us... but that isn't going to be an option for us anymore. We have to think about ourselves. We have to think about our mission. Annie is strong...and cunning. We have to assume she will be fine on her own"

"So... what you're saying..." Reiner looked around carefully to make sure that they were not being overheard. "It's time for us to complete our mission..." He found himself caught in a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings.  _'What about the walls? The Survey Corps? Our friends and comrades...?'_

Bertholdt grunted quietly in agreement before continuing. "I know we aren't certain that Eren is our target... but he would be valuable regardless. And now we know that Ymir is the one... who... ate Marcel and took his titan. If we returned home with those two in-hand, that would probably satisfy everyone... we would be allowed to live" After a moment, he continued, "I think... we should try to make an escape when we reach Wall Rose. I think that might be our only chance."

"Wait..." Reiner started. "Now? That would be suicide. Do you think they are going to give us a chance to escape with Eren? And it's not as if he is helpless. You know he will fight. People will die. Surely, some of our friends and fellow soldiers will be killed in a fight like that." He shuddered at the thought and felt a coldness envelop him.

_"_ Reiner. Stop." Bertholdt glared at him darkly. "You can't let yourself think of them as friends anymore. You're not a soldier. You're a warrior. And you're right... people will probably die- but does that even matter? These walls are doomed – you know that as well as I do. There is no future here. No one person can change that... least of all, you. Get yourself together. This is bigger than us. We have a mission – a mission we have been sorely failing at but now is our chance to fix that. _"_

_'No future... Could that be true?'_ Reiner's mind raced. _'Is there truly no hope for all of the people in these walls? How many thousands... will die?'_ Something in him was breaking. His thoughts became increasingly untethered.  _'My hands are already so red with blood, the blood of so many. So many deaths, at my hands. We were just kids_ _Bertholdt_ _. We didn't know anything.'_

A moment of silence passed between them before Bertholdt spoke again. "We can handle Eren.  _You_  can handle Eren. You can best him in combat – you are stronger. We can take them by surprise when we reach the wall. I can grab Ymir, but I can't carry them both with ODM gear. You will have to grab Eren. If he fights you, do it on the ground. Lure him to just under my position. I should be able to incapacitate him. Just have your titan scream for me when you are in position..." Reiner was aware that his friend was concerned about him, about his behavior recently.

He thought of Historia. He didn't want to think of her now, with his heart and mind in such turmoil, but he did. ' _I'll keep her safe'_  is what he had thought to himself, not even a half day ago. The memory was still so fresh, so new and wonderful. It was hard for him to think of any other time in his life where he had felt so  _free._ It was such a small taste of joy, but even that was more joy than he knew he deserved.  _'I am a weapon,_ ' he thought sorrowfully.  _'Only a weapon. That's all I was meant to be.'_ He thought of Marcel. _'I have to be a true warrior. I have to be strong.'_

They rode on in silence, as Wall Rose loomed closer and closer.

"When we are inside Wall Maria territory, it will be harder for them to give chase. Then all we have to do is find Zeke and Pieck. And then we can go home," Bertholdt concluded. "Then that's it – we will be done here. We will finally be done."

_'Done...'_  It felt as if Reiner's mind and soul were collapsing as he stared up at the immensity of the wall. _'They're never going to be done with us_ _Bertholdt_ _, and I don't know what's right anymore'._

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

' _This is it. The end…'_

His stomach in knots, Reiner gazed up at Wall Rose. The Survey Corps were scaling the wall, but the group from Utgarde did not have ODM gear equipped. They would be manually pulled up one-by-one.

Ymir was being lifted up first, on a makeshift stretcher. Historia would follow after, determined to remain at her friend's side. Bertholdt was next, and then it would be his turn. The ride to the wall had passed quickly… too quickly. He was reeling. In no time at all, everything would change. He would no longer be a soldier. He had come to love these people like they were his family, and now he had to betray them. A deep feeling of regret washed over him, as he realized that caring for these people had been a mistake. This was the mission. It was their duty as warriors to carry it out, to return home with the coordinate. Making friends had not been part of the plan. Originally it had been an act, something he felt like he  _had to do_ to keep moving forward, to gain the trust of the people in the walls so that they could finish the mission and go home.

' _Annie hated this from the very start,'_  he thought. She had remained distant from her fellow recruits, and didn't seem to develop any close bonds with other trainees. Reiner remembered her confronting him about how close he had seemed to have gotten with the others. " _They're not our friends,"_  he had reassured her. She had been disgusted by that dishonesty. Annie was not good at lying, but she was good at keeping to herself. That's what she did. Maybe she had been right in her approach. Perhaps she would be able to live with herself when this was all over. " _I am going to puke,"_ she had said to Reiner. He hoped she was okay.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as he caught Historia looking at him. It was her turn to ascend the wall. She gave him a small smile. He smiled back, nodding for her to go on up. He hoped that her smile would be burnt into his memory. As she turned her back to him, he was overwhelmed with disgust for himself. He felt slimy, like anything good that had ever happened to him was more than he deserved.  _'At the very least… I can make sure she is safe. I can try to do that at least.'_  He watched her go, as she was pulled higher and higher up the wall. He thought of home, and the people waiting for him there. He didn't miss any of them as much as he would miss her. She was the first person to make him feel like he was  _worth something as he was,_ to make him feel  _wanted_  without expecting something more from him. His own mother had never given him that.  _No one_ had given him that until Historia. In fact, every one of his friends from the 104th had been better to him than the people waiting for him back home.

"You good?" he felt a hand on his shoulder. Bertholdt had approached him from behind.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Reiner replied, no emotion in his voice.

"This is it," Bertholdt started. His voice seemed distant. "I'm about to go up. I'll see you on the other side buddy."

Reiner could not understand how Bertholdt was so calm and collected. He supposed he had to be… one of them had to be. It had been easier once, when they had just docked at the island. He had seen things differently then. The walled nation had been easy to imagine as full of evil beings masquerading as innocents. He had wanted to be a hero then, a hero that would save the world from the devils on the island of Paradis. The truth he had learned was far more complicated.

Reiner watched Bertholdt ascend the wall, getting higher and higher. He felt like he was going to retch. He tried to empty his mind as he waited for his own turn to scale the wall. Something inside of him was crumbling.

The next several minutes passed as if Reiner were in a dream. It all seemed foggy, muted. His turn came to be lifted to the top of the wall, and he dreaded the trip with every fiber of his being. He looped the rope around his waist and held on as best he could with his one good arm.

It seemed as if he was on the ground one moment, and the next he was at the top of the wall. Eren was waiting for him, extending a hand to help him up. Reiner gladly took it. "Eren... Thanks," he grunted, happy to have his feet back on solid ground.

Eren nodded. "Walk with me, Reiner?"

Reiner walked with Eren, in the opposite direction from where the others were standing with Bertholdt. Eren asked him about what happened at Utgarde, and what happened to his arm. Reiner recounted the events of the last couple of days honestly. Eren pat him on the back, before he replied, "Well I am glad you made it back."

Reiner wanted this to be his life. Historia had been right - he did have a family. He had grown so fond of Eren, who reminded him so much of himself when he was younger, before this mission. He had ben just like Eren when he was younger- driven by a sense of purpose that entirely consumed him and pushed him forward, despite not being particularly great at anything. Reiner reminded himself that he would never have even been selected as a warrior, if Marcel had not intervened to protect his brother. He wondered how different things would have turned out if Porco had gotten the Armor in his place, as it should have been. He then realized that the mission would likely have been a success. Marcel would never have been eaten on that first night, and they might even have the coordinate by now.

After they had been walking for a few minutes, there was a sudden commotion in the direction they had just come from and Reiner looked back. Bertholdt was still standing with Connie, Historia, and Hange. Something didn't look right though – he looked agitated. He had a knife in his hand, and that got Reiner's attention. That was when he began to feel the tension in the air.

Reiner quickly assessed what was happening.  _'Every one of them is going to die,_ ' he thought, in shock and horror. Something in him broke. It was the part of him that could coldly accept the things he had done and the things he still had to do. Instantly, his perspective shifted. A choice he had not been aware of became prominent in his mind. Things didn't have to happen like this. These people were his family. They were the people he cared  _most_ about. They loved him, in a way that he had never really known before.  _'I can save them,'_ he thought, as he began to run. There was no time for second-guessing.

For the first time since Marcel died, Reiner was  _happy_  that he had been the one to inherit his titan – that he had been the one to come to Paradis. If he hadn't, he would never have known anything. He wouldn't know that these people exist, and what their lives were like. He would never have known that they were worth saving.

It had been five years - five years since the last time he had taken his titan form. He was no longer the boy he had been then. He had grown, and had become someone that others could depend on. What kind of person would he be if he let them down here?

As he began to shift, the pain in his arm and throughout his entire body dulled immensely. Thunder seemed to tear through every inch of him. His human body became secondary to him, and for a moment it felt as if he had no body at all. He felt himself become heavier. Impossibly strong fibers attached themselves to his whole body, until he no longer felt human at all. Heat and darkness encased him, but his vision returned instantly as the Armored titan's eyes came alight.

He had no plan. He only knew that he needed to protect the people dearest to him, even if it meant turning his back on the one person who had understood him since childhood. ' _I don't want to be a weapon anymore. Right and wrong are no longer clear to me, but I know that what we are doing has to be wrong.'_ With that in mind, Reiner put himself between Bertholdt and as many of the Survey Corps as he could. He crouched over them, using his body to shield them from the blast of Bertholdt's transformation.

Bertholdt's titan was taking on a misshapen form, with no legs and a ribcage that seemed to attach itself to the wall. This was likely due to the fact that they hadn't had an ounce of sleep in two days. Reiner counted himself lucky, as the blast would have been far worse if Bert had been physically prepared. He might not have been able to save any of his friends, had that been the case. He tried not to look at them, expecting that the expressions on their faces would be too hard for him to take. He wasn't wrong. As he glanced over the group of people who he considered to be his friends, their eyes were full of horror. Historia's eyes were the same: disbelieving, sad, and horrified.

There was more time to ruminate on this observation, as another explosion boomed behind him. Eren had taken on his titan form as well, and was charging in his direction. Reiner braced for impact, but was surprised when Eren ran right past him for the Colossal. Reiner couldn't understand what he was trying to accomplish, as his titan could not stand against Bertholdt's. Then he saw that Eren was trying to push the Colossal, to fall on the other side of Wall Rose, into Wall Maria territory. It seemed he might succeed, until the Colossal managed to grab Eren's titan as if it were a toy. It used its free hand to grab the nearest ODM-equipped soldier and tossed them into its mouth, swallowing them whole. Reiner did not see who it had been.

Reiner screamed within his titan.  _"GO!"_  he wanted to yell to Bertholdt. The armored titan was not gifted with the ability to articulate words, and so it came out as a blood-curdling roar. He hoped his friend would understand, that he would realize that was the signal they agreed upon earlier, and that he would go… alone.

The Colossal titan ceased its actions for a moment and roared in response. It had Eren's titan clutched in its grasp, and slowly began to detach itself from the wall, its ribs cracking sickeningly. Eren writhed wildly to break free of its grip, but was ultimately unsuccessful. The Colossal was too strong, too large. They fell, together.

In his titan, Reiner was only vaguely aware of his actual body, of the wounds that hadn't yet had enough time to heal. They didn't hurt, not at the time. Despite the distance he felt from his own body, he knew he was crying. A sense of loss washed over him, as he watched the Colossal fall. There was no going back from this decision. There would be another explosion, he knew. He braced himself for the impact, trying to shield his friends as best he could.

Mikasa refused the protection he offered and charged forward, her singular purpose being to protect Eren. She was on her own when a flash of heat and light consumed everything in Reiner's vision. He gripped the wall as hard as he could, trying to keep his footing. Just when he thought he could hold no longer, everything stopped. Steam rose from where the Colossal had fallen, but he and Eren were nowhere in sight. It was were done _. 'Be safe, Bertholdt. Just survive,'_ he pleaded silently.

The dust began to settle, and people were moving again. Hange was yelling something at him, ordering him to come out of his armor he realized. His titan still crouching, Reiner began to push himself outside of the huge, armored body. It occurred to him that he didn't remember the last time he had to pull himself out on his own. Bertholdt had always helped him. His own body had not had enough time to fully recover from its injuries, and he ached. With some effort, he pulled one arm free. He was so tired. How long had it been since he had slept? He pulled his other arm free, the momentum causing him to lose his balance. He fell the distance from his titan's nape to the wall, landing roughly on the stone-like material.

He couldn't move. He had used every ounce of his strength and could barely hold on to consciousness. Unable to keep his eyes open, he became aware of voices arguing around him, hands on him.

"We should kill him here," he heard someone growl, though he couldn't identify the voice. That statement was met with a chorus of raised voices. He couldn't understand any of them.

"What would be the point of that?! He may be the only reason we are alive right now!" He recognized Historia's voice, pleading for him.

"He is an enemy of humanity! It would be naïve to assume he is an ally at this point. He could have another motive. They could have planned this… we don't –"

"Krista – no, sorry -  _Historia_ is right," Hange's voice interrupted whoever had just been talking. "But all of these concerns are also valid. We don't know how much we can trust him, but it would be foolish and wasteful to kill him here."

Reiner opened his eyes slightly, and saw that Historia was crouching at his side almost protectively. He inwardly laughed at the fact that he had never in his life felt  _protected_ by anyone, and here he was being protected by this tiny woman who he had sworn to himself to protect.

After some more arguing that Reiner had not paid attention to, Hange continued, "I have a plan, so here is what we will do. Ymir and Reiner will both be taken underground for the time-being. We can't be sure of either of their motives, so we will have to be cautious. Bertholdt has Eren, but he can't have gotten far on his own. We have to wait for horses before we can go after him, but we will pursue him. Many of our people were incapacitated by the last explosion, so we will need reinforcements as well. We will get Eren back though. We have to get him back."

Before long, Reiner became vaguely aware of the fact that his body was being lifted and moved. Eyes still closed, he fought off unconsciousness for as long as he could, but he knew it would take him eventually. Before succumbing to it, he felt fingers lightly graze his cheek – delicately tracing where he knew markings had formed deep lines in his skin. " _We're taking you underground,"_ A voice whispered.  _Historia_. _"Please don't fight."_

Done fighting, he let the darkness take him.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Reiner woke up, cold and alone.  He sat up in the small bed he found himself in, and looked around. The room was dark, lit by a single torch at the door. With no windows or natural light to speak of, he wondered whether it was night or day. He had no sense of time, or how long he had been unconscious.  

Scanning the room, he assessed his surroundings. The small bed he was sitting in was up against a wall, and seemed similar to those the cadets slept on. A small writing table and chair were nearby.  That was it.  He was reminded of the simple furnishings of the Warriors' barracks back home.  _No... not my home anymore._ _.._ _What have I done?_  

Reiner slowly took stock of himself.  His body no longer hurt like it had before, and his arm had fully healed. He pressed his hands to his face, and confirmed that his markings had vanished.  It must have been at least a few hours he was out. He didn't know beyond that. 

 _Bertholdt_.  _What happened to_ _Bertholdt_ _?_  

He went over the events on the wall in his mind, and began to panic as he realized he had no clue what was going on, or what had transpired while he was unconscious. He had no idea where he was, or what was going to happen next. He had basically surrendered himself to the people of these walls. He was one of their most feared enemies. What were they going to do with him? He cupped his face in his hands, his fingers running through his hairline.  

 

The door to his room opened, interrupting the panic he felt building within him.  

"You're finally up. I'm glad you got your beauty sleep."  

Reiner was not sure who he expected it to be, but he was surprised to see Ymir. He removed his hands from his face and looked at her. Her body had also fully recovered from its injuries. She stood there in the doorway, standing on her own two legs as if one had not just been torn off by titans. 

"Ymir..." He didn't know what else to say.  

"Yep.. That's my name... or something." her voice oozed sarcasm. Ymir crossed the small room and pulled out the chair by the writing desk beside the bed, and sat down. She pulled her knees up to her chest and exhaled audibly. "Looks like the cat's out of the bag for both of us, eh?" 

Reiner just looked at Ymir. He had never really considered this girl a friend. She had always seemed abrasive toward him, so he tended to avoid her. Now though, she didn’t seem antagonistic in any way. She seemed oddly relaxed and comfortable.  

"I can only speak for myself," she started, looking up at the ceiling - at nothing in particular. "But I am glad I don’t have to keep carrying that secret any longer."  

"What are you doing here, Ymir?"  

"In these walls? Or do you mean here, right now?" She paused. "Well at the moment, I want to thank you... for saving Krista." 

"Historia," he corrected.  

"Right, right. It will take me some time to get used to calling her by that name." Ymir smiled to herself then. "Historia....It's about time."  

"You knew, I assume?" Reiner asked. 

"Yes and no," Ymir replied. "She never actually told me, but I knew... from other sources. Did you know?" 

"Not until Utgarde. She told me... just before the titans appeared and everything got crazy." 

"She told you huh?   That I didn't expect." Ymir looked genuinely surprised. "If I were the type, I'd probably be jealous."  Reiner wasn't looking at her, but he could feel Ymir's eyes on him. "What happened between you two at Utgarde?"  

Reiner met her gaze then. She appeared to be... grinning? Was she teasing him? He was shocked that she even asked, and couldn't decide how to respond.  

Ymir didn't wait to hear what he had to say. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. She cares about you enough to tell you her name. You care about her enough to want to protect her. That's good enough for me."  

Reiner wanted to laugh. She might have cared about him before, but now he wasn't holding his breath. He wished he had told her everything back at Utgarde. What would he have said though?  _'I'm the Armored Titan._ _Bertholdt_ _is the Colossal. We are the ones who attacked Wall Maria five years_ _ago_ _'?_ She would probably have thought he was losing his mind. Maybe he was. 

"Have you seen her? Is she okay?" Reiner thought she was. He hoped she was.  

"I wouldn't be in here thanking you if that weren't the case," Ymir said simply.  "She was in my room when I woke up, passed out at the foot of my bed, like a cat." She smirked, clearly imagining the sight. "It was pretty adorable." 

"I'm glad," Reiner sighed, relieved.  He wanted to ask about her... where she was now and what she was doing. He couldn't bring himself to. What right did he have to ask after her? 

"We didn't talk for long before I sent her off to go get some rest in her own room. She checked on you for a minute before heading upstairs."  

Ymir was perceptive.  Reiner's concern for Historia must have been obvious. He was genuinely surprised that she had visited him though. "Did... did she say anything to you?" 

"About you?  Maybeee." She snickered quietly and looked at Reiner then. At the moment their eyes met, she must have understood that he was not in the mood for banter or games. "Okay, yeah. A little. But I honestly haven't gotten to talk to her too much. She was basically a zombie by the time I regained consciousness." 

A long silence passed between them while Reiner considered Ymir's words. Historia cared for him enough to have checked on him. That was something. 

Ymir stood up from the chair and stretched. "Well I'm going back to my room. You don't seem to be in the mood for conversation, so... I'm right next door to you... I think we're allowed to move around to some extent... but I wouldn't be surprised if the guards have orders to kill us if we try going up to the surface." 

"Ymir," Reiner called out, before she had walked out the door. "Do you know what happened to Eren and Bertholdt?"  

"No idea. Almost everyone went after them... but they haven't returned. It's been a few hours since they left, and eight since the incident on the wall, if I had to guess." 

Another silence passed between them as she stood in the doorway, preparing to leave. "See you around, Reiner," Ymir turned to leave the room. 

"Thanks, Ymir." 

 

With Ymir gone, Reiner was able to sit and think about what he had learned.  He leaned back on the bed and let his mind wander while he stared at the ceiling of the dark room he had found himself in. His thoughts coalesced around two things: Bertholdt and Historia.  

He hoped Bertholdt was still okay, that he was safe.  He also _had_ to hope that his friend would fail in taking Eren. If Marley got ahold of the coordinate, there would be nothing he could do to keep anyone here safe.  

Reiner's thoughts of Historia were just as confused. He knew he cared about her, and he desperately hoped that she still cared about him in return. That wouldn't make sense though. Now that she knew the truth, what could she possibly see in him, aside from the horror he had brought to the people of these walls?  

These were the thoughts that dominated Reiner's mind as he lay there. He descended deeper and deeper into despair as the hours and minutes passed. 

 

After some indeterminable amount of time, Reiner was suddenly overcome with a strange sensation. Something was happening. He didn't know what, where, or who was involved... but in those moments a feeling of connectedness seemed to consume him. He had never felt anything like it. Of all of the unfamiliar feelings he had experienced since he gained the ability to turn into a titan, this was unlike anything else. It was over in a matter of seconds.

He had just begun to recover from the jarring experience when the door to his room slammed open. He sat up in bed and saw Ymir once again, a wild expression in her eyes. 

"What the  _hell_  was that??" 

"You felt it too?" Reiner asked and paused. "That must have been the coordinate. I can think of nothing else it could have been... I've never felt anything like that." 

"The what?" Ymir asked in a voice that was almost pleading. She really had no idea.  

"It means that Eren really was the one Bertholdt, Annie, and I were trying to find when we came here – the coordinate." 

"You mean you didn't already know that?" Ymir was incredulous. She took the same seat at the table that she had taken during her previous visit. "I thought that was why Bertholdt took him to begin with?" 

"We suspected," Reiner started. "It was likely, but we weren't sure." 

"So that's how it is," Ymir's voice trailed off as she stared off at nothing in particular.  

"We have to hope that Eren is returned safely to the walls," Reiner began, without really knowing why he was volunteering this information to Ymir of all people.  

It dawned on him that he wouldn't be able to keep all of his secrets any longer. He would have to give them up, one way or another. He had taken a side, and he had chosen the people of the walls.  They had little reason to trust him, but the information he had was of value to them. He suspected his future would be less than pleasant, but that it would be worse if he didn't cooperate fully. There was no reason to hold back any information now. 

He told Ymir everything – about the Warrior program, about the coordinate, about his mission. In turn she shared her story with Reiner.  

Ymir was truly a girl with no name of her own. He had always suspected that Ymir was not her real name, but the truth was far darker than he would ever have guessed.  After she seemed to have recounted everything, she turned to Reiner with an uncharacteristically serious look on her face.  Eventually, they landed on the topic of Marcel. 

"Earlier I thanked you for protecting Historia.," she started, hesitating. "That wasn't all of it though. The truth... is that as soon as I saw you three in the 104th Training Corps, I knew who you were. Well... I had an idea, anyway. I remembered you." She looked down on at floor, with a grim expression. "The truth is that your voice is what drew me to where the you had stopped that night. Your voice is what drew me there so I could eat your friend. I know that probably makes me terrible, for being thankful for that... but you gave me a second chance at life. I was stuck in a nightmare for what I think was about sixty years..." Ymir looked at Reiner thoughtfully. "Is it like that for everyone? Before they become like you I mean... someone who can take titan form at will. Was it a nightmare for you too, before returning to your natural body?"  

"I don’t know," Reiner stated. "It's different for everyone. I don't remember anything about the experience... and I count myself lucky for that." It was true enough. Reiner had no recollection of being a simple, pure titan. He didn't remember consuming the other warrior who had come before him. He only remembered being scared. He had wanted so badly to be brave, but he was only a child – and he had been absolutely terrified. He remembered blacking out soon after they gave him the injection that would turn him into a titan, and the next thing he know, he was waking up somewhere else. 

"What about the memories?" she asked.   

"You inherited Marcel's memories?"  

"Marcel.... I didn't know his name," she looked sad. "The memories are vague... like they could be mine, but I know they aren't." 

"That also varies person to person. I know nothing of the person who had the Armor before me." Reiner had been a part of the first batch of warrior candidates after Marley had decided to start recruiting children. They hadn't been encouraged to develop bonds with their predecessors. 

"That must be nice... I don't -" Ymir's sentence was cut short when the door suddenly opened.  

 

Ymir and Reiner both turned their heads and watched as Historia entered the room, carrying a crate in her arms. She crossed the room, and set the crate on the table in front of Ymir.  

"I brought one to your room already Ymir," Historia stated, looking at her friend. "I figured you two were hungry and could use a change of clothes." She had changed into fresh clothes herself, but she looked ragged and disheveled.  She made eye contact with Reiner for a split second before looking away.   

"You were supposed to be getting some rest," Ymir scolded her. "You look terrible!"  

"Our friends were out risking their lives going after Eren. I couldn't sleep, so I figured I would make myself useful while I waited." She yawned at the end of her sentence, and sat at the foot of the bed, with her back to the wall. "They just made it back."  

"They?" Ymir asked. "Did they manage to get Eren back?"  

Reiner wanted to ask what had happened, but he couldn't bring himself to.  His stomach felt like it was doing flips as he looked at the girl he had grown to care a great deal about, and simultaneously hoped his best friend was okay.  He felt like he was wrong for thinking of them both right then.  

"Eren is back," Historia sighed, looking at the door. "We took very few losses in retrieving him. Erwin lost an arm, Mikasa is severely injured... but most everyone made it back. Bertholdt escaped though... with the help of others."  

Some relief washed over Reiner with the knowledge that Eren was back and alive.  Bertholdt had escaped too. He had been looking at the floor, but he felt Historia and Ymir looking at him.  He hadn't said a word during the whole exchange. He looked up and met Historia's eyes, and she didn't look away this time. She was beautiful, but she looked so incredibly tired – almost sickly. He had never seen her like this in the years that he had known her. 

"You said there's food in here?" Ymir had gotten up and started rummaging through the crate on the table.  

"Ymir... You have your own," Historia turned to look at her friend, humorous disapproval evident in her voice. 

"Reiner isn't going to miss a piece of bread," she quipped, popping a hunk of bread into her mouth. 

"Go ahead," Reiner told her.  

"See?" Ymir looked pleased, as she tore a bite out of the loaf. "I'm starving," she mumbled, despite her mouth being full. 

Historia just sighed at Ymir. "There's a washroom down the hall too, if you need a bath or anything," she said.  

Ymir's eyes went wide and she swallowed the bite that had occupied her mouth. "THAT is the best thing I have heard all day." Ymir wrapped her arms around Historia then. "I don't know what I would do without you sweet Krista - I mean Histoooooriaaaaaa," Ymir sang Historia's name. Historia only tilted her head and gave her friend a tired smile. 

Ymir began to walk towards the door to leave, but turned to Historia one final time. "Don't go too hard on him... We were  _just_ starting to get to know each other." Ymir walked out the door, leaving Reiner and Historia alone.  

 

Historia let out a sigh and shook her head at the door, as silence fell upon them after Ymir's departure.  

"...Reiner..." 

He couldn't read her face. She was so close, and she looked so tired. He couldn't help but imagine how nice it would be to hold her again. Things had been so different the last time they found themselves alone together. 

" _I am so sorry_ _,_ _Historia_ _,"_ the apology fell out of his mouth before he even considered how ridiculous it was.  What good was an apology coming from someone who was responsible for so much terror and pain? What was he even apologizing for? For five years ago...? For deceiving everyone...? For letting things escalate the way they had with Historia at Utgarde? He had so much to be sorry for, and he didn't know where to start. " _I am so very sorry,"_ he repeated. 

"Reiner," Historia started again, gently. She had no malice in her eyes, he realized. She should hate him, but here she was... looking at him like he wasn't one of the worst things to have ever happened to the walls.  "I have spent a lot of time thinking about you since we left Wall Rose... thinking about the things I know about you." She looked down at her lap, where her hands rested. "And there's one thing I really can't reconcile in my head... maybe you can help me..." 

"I... I can try," he said quietly. Historia looked up at Reiner again, and then he saw the darkness in her eyes. Whatever was on her mind was weighing heavily on her.  

"You're the Armored Titan," she started. "And you've been the Armored Titan this whole time... You and Bertholdt were the ones who attacked Wall Maria five years ago..."  

"That's all true," Reiner responded, breaking her gaze and looking down at his own two hands. It  _was_ all true, but he couldn't help but feel shame bubble up inside him, hearing her say it all so simply. 

"You were a  _child_  when Wall Maria fell. You had to have been no older than twelve, " she paused, considering. "That is  _horrible_ in itself. I can't imagine what life must have been like before you came here, to make a  _child_ do something so monstrous.  _That's_ what I don't understand..." 

Reiner thought about his first years as a titan shifter. By the time he had come to put a hole in Wall Maria, he had already been a Warrior for  _two years._ He had been responsible for the deaths of so many in the war that took place during those two years between Marley and its rival countries.  He had never questioned what he was supposed to be doing, he just followed orders –   _like_ _a good Warrior._  

"I was  _ten_ ," he stated simply, answering the unasked question. "I was ten when I inherited my titan, but this all started for me  _years_ before that." He couldn't meet her eyes, thinking of how he had been a weapon for such a large portion of his life... almost the entirety of his life that he could remember. 

"Reiner..." Historia was aghast. She hadn't been expecting that.  

He didn't need to look at her to know the immense amount of pity she felt for him then. He could hear it in the way she said his name.  

"Reiner," she said again, and he looked at her. "I want to trust you," Historia started, gently. "You were a c _hild soldier_... but I don't think you're necessarily our enemy... not anymore. You wouldn't be here right now if you were." 

Reiner hung on her every word. She wasn't looking at him like a monster, but like a person – a person who had been through hell and had somehow managed to claw his way out. He had made an incredibly difficult decision, yet he knew it had been the right one.  _It had to be the right decision._ He didn't know it was possible to feel this way, but his soul ached. He felt he was being torn apart from the inside, and somewhere in the chaos he hoped he would find himself. 

 _She wanted to trust him? Why? What had he done to deserve anyone's trust?_  

"I don't blame you for what you did," Historia looked at him as she spoke. 

"Maybe you should..." Reiner hated himself in that moment. "I am responsible for so much pain and suffering, Historia... for so many people.  _Thousands have_ _died_ because of things that I did." He brought his hands to his face, as tears began to well up in his eyes. 

"It's true," she said sadly, glancing down for a moment before looking at him again. "The things you have done are atrocious, and you can't undo any of them." She paused. "You can try to make up for them though. It's not too late for that." 

"How can you or anyone else ever trust me though?" 

"Well... some people probably never will. There are those who will probably hate you until the day they die, regardless of what you do from here on out." Historia reached over and pulled Reiner's hands from his face, willing him to look at her. She let her hands linger in his. "Personally, I find it hard to believe that the Reiner Braun I got to know over the past few years was a complete lie. It can't have  _all_ been a lie, or what was the point of any of it. You helped and saved us more times than I can count. Even just at Utgarde, you saved both me and Connie when you didn't need to." 

Historia was right. Reiner knew she was. That was the whole reason he was here now. He had grown to care about everyone here. He had changed. Knowing these people, at some point he found himself incapable of blindly hating them as he had for his whole life. "Honestly," he started. "I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not the person you got to know during training, but I'm also not the person I was before I came here." 

"I believe you're better than you think. You are not a bad person, Reiner. The horrible things you have done... they would have been carried out by someone else if not you. Someone else would have been sent in your place. It was never your decision to do this to us." She looked so sure. Reiner wanted to believe her. "And if you don't know who exactly you are....  _that's okay_. I can relate to that more than you know. Maybe we can help each other figure out who we are." A subtle smile formed on her mouth as she thought for a moment. 

"Reiner Braun," she said softly, "It's nice to meet you." Her smile widened a bit as the words came out. "I'm Historia Reiss." She squeezed his hand in hers. 

"It's good to meet you, Historia." He squeezed her hand back in turn, and forced a slight smile. It was the best he could do at the moment. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story is off hiatus!! Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I won't make any promises about how often this thing is going to be updated... but I am going to shoot for a minimum of one new chapter per month. The thing is, I have the attention span of a 6-month-old puppy, and have lots of other unrelated fics that I want to write. I definitely don't plan on shelving this story again anytime soon though! :)

"You're going to tell us everything. From the beginning." Commander Erwin's voice was stern, unyielding. Despite the physical trauma of losing his arm, he had wanted to get this meeting done with as soon as he was able. Reiner had expected to have a bit more time before this meeting was to happen, but he supposed it was better to get it out of the way now. 

'Yes, sir." Reiner replied as firmly as he could, trying to maintain a respectable amount of eye contact. It was hard. He wanted to wilt under the weight of all of the stares aimed at him.  

Reiner sat at a table with four others, and nervously took a drink of water from the glass in front of him. Commander Erwin, Levi, Hange, and Eren all looked on at him, waiting to hear what he would say. Some had looks of malice, while others seemed to appear almost purely curious. 

It had been five days - only five days since Eren had activated the Coordinate for the first time. Five days since Reiner first woke up in the underground room that was serving as his jail cell. In those five days, he hadn't been outside or seen the sun even once. Aside from that, he couldn't really complain about the way he was being treated.  He was being fed and kept moderately comfortable.  

Until today, he had only interacted with a small number of people, and almost none of those were his former comrades from the 104th. He had seen Ymir the most, given she was his neighbor and fellow prisoner for the moment. Historia has visited them both frequently, too.  

No one else had come to see him, but it wasn't as if he expected them to. Was Eren supposed to be concerned for him, now that he knew Reiner had been responsible for the death of his mother and the destruction of his home? Was Connie supposed to want to cheer Reiner up, after his dishonesty had been made clear for everyone to see? No. None of them would come. Thanks to Historia, he at least knew they were all still alive. Mikasa, Sasha, and Jean were all injured, but they were alive and would recover.  

"Leave nothing out," finished Hange.  

 Reiner had already been over this multiple times. First with Ymir, and then with Historia. He had told them  _almost_ everything. The things he left out were relatively minor – and didn't have any real significance in the big scheme of things. They were things he simply was not ready to tell... things he wasn't ready for them to know about him.... not yet. One of those things was Marco.  Another was the Curse. He  _would_ tell them about the Curse of Ymir, but Eren needed to know first. Reiner owed him that at least. Eren deserved to know that his time was limited.  

"Despite what the people here have been led to believe, humanity outside the walls was never wiped out," he began, just like Historia had coached him. Everyone at the table already knew this, he was sure. Historia would have told them. They listened intently now to see that he told the same story he had given her.  He changed nothing.  

Aside from the five of them sitting at the table, there were also three members of the Survey Corps positioned behind Reiner. They were to serve as a safeguard, in the event That Reiner made any sudden movements or acted suspiciously. They would be his executioners if he made a wrong move. All three faces behind him were unfamiliar. He supposed he preferred it that way. 

 

"Your walls are positioned on a large island, called Paradis," he continued. "The walls form the border of a nation in isolation – formerly known as Eldia. There are other civilizations that make up the larger portion of the world, outside of your island.  I come from the largest and most powerful of those nations: Marley." 

No one at the table interrupted him as he recounted for them the history of Eldia, as he had been taught. He shared with them Marley's version of the story of Ymir Fritz, and the pact she had allegedly made with the devil... The Great Titan War. They just let him keep talking.  

The entire time he spoke, Reiner tried to avoid making eye contact with Eren. Of everyone in the room, Eren was the most visibly hostile, the most angry. He had a right to be. Eren was the one who had the biggest reason to hate him. While she was recovering from her injuries surprisingly fast, Mikasa was still stuck in bed most of the time while her broken ribs healed. Eren had spent most of the last five days by her side.  

In contrast to Eren's heated glare, Erwin listened to Reiner while wearing a very different expression. The Commander watched Reiner with an almost ravenous glare – like a child, being given a present to unwrap. He was the only one in the room with no malice in his eyes. Reiner was giving him answers that he had sought after for his entire life.  

Levi and Hange were their usual selves – stoic and careful not to give anything away. Reiner could read neither of them. Levi never said a word, but Hange occasionally asked Reiner to clarify something, or to go into further detail on a topic.  

"So... what you're saying," Hange interrupted Reiner, lifting her pen up to indicate she had a question. "There are nine titan powers that are possessed by humans. You have one... the Armored Titan.  Bertholdt and Annie each have one as well. There are six others, including whichever one Eren has. Is that accurate?"  

"Yes," Reiner nodded, and Hange jotted something down in her notebook.  

"Can you list each of those titans for me, and what is unique about each of them?" Hange continued to scribble hastily in her notebook as Reiner listed of each of the nine titan abilities, and whatever he knew about them.  

Reiner had only learned a couple days ago that Annie had been captured as well. He hadn't been given any details but he knew she was alive. It happened in the days before the Survey Corps rescued the group of them at Utgarde. Reiner paused for a moment when describing what he knew about the Female titan, wondering if they had already gotten this same information from Annie herself. 

Reiner did just as she asked, also noting which titans Marley was likely still in possession of: the Beast, Cart, and Colossal. He mentioned the Warhammer, although he knew very little about that titan, its holder, or abilities.  

"What about the Attack titan?" Hange asked. "You've told us very little about that one." 

"That's because I know nothing about that specific titan," Reiner stated calmly. "I'm not sure if it was ever in Marley's possession, or where it might be now." 

"And the Founding Titan..." Hange chewed on her pen for a moment. "That's the one that you think Eren has. Why?"  

"Because of what happened five days ago." Reiner answered. "The Founding titan has a supposed connection with all other titans. In that moment when the titans obeyed Eren's commands, I felt something, despite being miles away. Ymir felt it too." 

"Okay," she sighed. "Now please continue from where you left off before I interrupted you.  

Reiner continued to the topic of the Eldians - specifically, the mainland Eldians. While the Eldians living on Paradis have enjoyed relative peace for the last hundred years, the Eldians on the mainland were being persecuted and oppressed. "Descendants of the devil is what they are called," he elaborated.   

Talking of the persecution of Eldians led to an explanation of Marley's Warrior program. Naturally, Hange and Erwin were both interested in information about the other Warriors – strengths to be cautious of, and weaknesses to potentially exploit. Reiner began listing the names of his fellow Warriors, as well as the reason they were selected for that role.   

"You've told us about the Jaw, Cart, Beast, Colossal, and Female," Hange listed the titans she had written down in her notebook, "but why were  _you_  selected for the Armored Titan?"  

Reiner knew this question would be asked. He answered honestly. "I was selected because of my loyalty and devotion that I showed Marley as a Warrior candidate."  

Eren erupted into laughter.  

Everyone else in the room watched in silence as Eren laughed so hard that he cried. And then he just cried.  

"Your loyalty," Eren hissed, as he slowly regained his composure. "... _your fucking loyalty_." 

"I think..." Hange said, looking at Eren sadly, "that we've talked enough for today." 

"I agree," Levi agreed, speaking up for the first time.  

"You're right," Erwin looked down, disappointed. "We've been at this all day. We're all tired." 

Reiner hadn't noticed before, but Erwin had gotten pale. Hange glanced at her commander with a look of concern, and then turned her gaze back to Reiner.  "Thank you for all that you have shared with us today," she exhaled.  "We will definitely be speaking again soon."  

With that, the day was done. A whole day spent in that room. Reiner was exhausted, despite not physically exerting himself in the slightest.   

 The three guards responsible for keeping an eye on Reiner escorted him back to the room that he was being kept in. It was all in the same underground compound, so it wasn't a long walk.  

From what Reiner could tell, the Survey Corps hadn't yet involved any of the other military branches in what was happening. Everywhere Reiner looked, he only saw Survey Corps emblems. He wondered why they kept it a secret, and then he remembered all of the drama that had occurred when Eren was revealed to be a titan shifter. The Survey Corps would likely try to get every bit of information they could from him before informing the other branches. There was a good chance they would need to turn custody of him over to the Military Police when that happened. Reiner shuddered at the reminder that his future was so uncertain. For now, all he could do was accept what was thrown at him, and take it as well as possible.  

 

Certain things were easier to take than others.  

When Reiner got back to his room, Historia was there waiting for him. She had her nose buried in a book, and was sitting at the end of the bed with her back to the wall. She didn't react when he entered the room, but when he stepped closer to her he realized she had actually dozed off.  

Historia had kept herself busy for the last five days. She appeared to be completely exhausted every time Reiner saw her, with dark circles under her eyes and her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She had been attending a lot of meetings, too. She didn't talk about them, but Reiner didn't ask.  

Historia suddenly snored loudly, waking herself up.  

"Why don't you go get some sleep?" Reiner asked, sitting at the other end of the bed.  He was tired, so he knew she had to be exhausted too. All he had to do was sit in a room all day and be questioned. She had probably been exerting herself far more than he had.  

"I wanted to see how it went today," Historia yawned, marking her place in her book and closing it.  

"It went about as well as could be expected," Reiner told her. "Eren loathes me." 

Historia already knew that, of course.  She had undoubtedly spoken with Eren over the course of the last five days.  

"Eren..." she sighed, closing her eyes briefly. " Well.... he's having a hard time right now. For a lot of reasons."  

"And I'm one of them," Reiner finished for her, no emotion in his voice.  

"Yeah..." she responded quietly. "Give him time." 

Reiner couldn't help but feel like that was a silly thing for her to say. Eren had every right to hate him. If their roles were reversed, Reiner would probably hate Eren with every fiber of his being.  

"I'm not sure time is going to make much of a difference here," he said quietly. 

"But I'm sure - "  

"No, Historia," he cut her off. "You can't be sure because you don't know." Reiner's voice broke. He normally accepted her kindness, and even admitted to enjoying it. Today though, it was harder. Eren's laughter had been so broken, so empty. That laughter was a harsh reminder of the horrible things Reiner had done. There were so many... He didn't deserve Historia's sympathy. She didn't even know everything.  

"Reiner," she started, clearly surprised by this outburst. Her eyebrows furrowed with concern as she looked at him. She had such a big heart, and he reminded himself that he adored this girl. She and Ymir had been his only friends since he had been down here. As much as he appreciated it, he knew that he didn't deserve any of it.  

"Reiner," Historia repeated his name. "We've talked about this... you were just a kid." 

"Do you really think," he started slowly, trembling. "Do you really think I just stopped doing monstrous things after I came here?" Reiner leaned back against the wall, sitting at the opposite end of the bed from Historia.  

"What?" she asked. "But what are you talking about?" His words were confusing her. She really had no idea. "But... are you talking about Trost? You weren't there... or at least you didn't do anything. The colossal was the only one that attacked that day."  

"Did you ever wonder..." Reiner hesitated. No sense in stopping now. She should know. "Did you ever wonder what happened to Marco?"  

It was all he needed to say. He watched as Historia's face transitioned between several different emotions. He saw her eyes get wide as she began to comprehend the implications of what he said, and he saw her comforting smile become something else entirely.  

"No..." she whispered.  

"Marco is dead _because of me_ ," Reiner added, hoping to make it as clear as possible for her.  He couldn't look her in the eye as he said it, the shame of this confession on top of everything else was just too much. 

"Marco was killed by a titan..." Historia breathed. Reiner wondered if her words were meant for him, or if they were solely for herself. "How.... how....  how were you responsible?" 

"Bertholdt and I were talking," he began, without really knowing why he was explaining himself to her. "Too loudly. It was after... he created the whole in Trost's outer gate."  

For a moment, Reiner dared to look up. Historia was staring at him with her mouth open. Tears welled up in her eyes. As far as she had known, Marco's death was caused by  _titans._ No one person was to blame. That illusion was being shattered with every word he uttered.  Looking at her was a mistake, he decided. He had to look away before he lost his nerve. She needed to hear the rest. He continued, focusing his gaze on his hands, clenched on his knees.  

"Marco heard us. We didn't hear him come up behind us... but he heard too much... He... he wanted to talk it through..." Reiner shuddered, remembering. They had needed to act quickly. There was no way he would keep their secret, or pretend he hadn't heard anything. They couldn't take that risk.  

Historia was silent.  Reiner couldn't bring himself to look at her, but he had a good idea of what he would see if he did. She should be disgusted, hurt, angry.  

"We took his ODM gear," this last bit caused Reiner's voice to crack. "And then we... we watched as a titan walked toward him." Tears were coming now, and caused his vision to blur as he forced himself to continue speaking. "We stood there and ... we watched as he was torn apart."  

Reiner choked out a sob. This was all too much. The last five days, the encounter on the wall... all of it was just too much.  He brought his palms to his eyes and almost forgot that Historia was sitting there, watching him.  

At least now she knew. She would stop giving him the pity and comfort that he knew he didn't deserve. He was a monster, and now she knew that. He would be left to himself now. Perhaps Ymir would still want his company, but surely no one else. They would all hate him now, as they should.  

Reiner had been so busy wallowing in his own self-loathing that he didn't notice when the weight shifted on the bed where he sat. He didn't hear the creak of the mattress over his own sobs. The first thing he had any awareness of was the feeling of hands, touching his cheek and neck, running through his hairline at his nape. Before he knew what was happening, he was being pulled into Historia. Lacking the will to resist, he buried his face in her shoulder, as the tears forced themselves out of him.  

Historia wrapped her arms around him and held him like that for several minutes as he cried, stroking his hair soothingly. His own arms wrapped around her and his fingers clenched the fabric of her shirt.  

"Reiner," Historia whispered gently. Her own voice cracked as she said his name, and for the first time Reiner realized that she was crying too. "You did what you had to do...  _to survive."_  

Reiner felt Historia's own hands tighten into fists in his hair.  

"The things you've done... they are horrible... and it breaks my heart to hear about... about Marco," she shuddered with that last bit. "But those actions weren't  _you._  If they were, you wouldn't be here right now.  _I_ might not be here right now... or Connie... or any of the others that you have risked your own life to save."  

He needed every word that came out of her mouth, and clung to each one as if he were drowning and they were his only hope for survival.  

"You aren't a monster, despite the things you've done," she continued in the same soft, comforting voice, and rested her chin on the top of his head. "You aren't a bad person. You aren't a villain. The things you have done are tearing you apart. If you were really a bad person, you wouldn't be hurting like this." 

"I'm not going to shush you and tell you it's okay.... it's not... but  _I'm on your side_ ," she cooed into his hair, still stroking one of her hands through it while her other arm wrapped around his shoulder and held him tightly. "Just... for the time being... I don't think you should tell anyone else about Marco." Reiner felt Historia shudder slightly, with her words. "The others don't need to know. They wouldn't know how to react right now. It would be too hard."  

Reiner said nothing else, crying into her shoulder until there weren't any tears left in him. Historia let him, and stayed with Reiner until they both succumbed to the exhaustion of the day and sleep finally came. 

   


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6! Thanks for sticking around and reading, even with my slow updates (really sorry about that!). The truth is that I was a bit stuck on this chapter... the comments and Tumblr messages I got in the last couple weeks were very motivating though, so thank you very much for those. <3

"I don't want to be queen," Historia pouted, pacing the length of Ymir's small room. "I don't want to do this at all." 

"Then say no," Ymir stated simply, from where she lounged on the bed. Of course, it wasn't quite so simple as she made it sound.

"I can't just say no!" Historia almost shouted. 

To be honest, Ymir was pretty put off by the idea herself. Who would want that kind of responsibility? Ymir had been there, done that. Goddess... queen.... it's all the same. People want someone who will sit around and make their difficult decisions for them... tell them what to do. People need someone to revere.  

"Then say yes," Ymir shrugged. It wasn't as if she didn't care, but she already knew that Historia was going to do what everyone wanted. She wouldn't do it for them, though. She would do it because she needed to.

"Gahhh" Historia grumbled in irritation, tugging at her ponytail as she began to pace faster.

Despite Historia's apparent frustration, Ymir had to admit that she would make a great queen. Historia actually cared about people and wanted to make their lives better. She was driven to help people who were incapable of helping themselves. That's who she was. There were times when Ymir found this particular trait to be annoying and even weak, but Historia was anything but weak. She was so small, but she always found ways to impress Ymir with how surprisingly strong she could be. 

"You'll figure it out," Ymir said, not unkindly. 

Historia stopped in her tracks, hands still pulling at her hair. "I have to do it," she said quietly, staring at the floor. 

"I'm pretty sure you've already decided that," Ymir smirked at the look of betrayal that painted her best friend's face.

Historia sank to the floor, her eyes empty. 

"You're right," she said, determination in her voice. "I'm going to do it." She paused for a minute, staring blankly at Ymir. "I am going to be queen." 

"Queen of all of humanity," Ymir began. "Or so we would have thought." 

Historia didn't respond immediately, looking away. She was looking in the direction of Reiner's room, Ymir noted. 

"You knew," she started, after a minute. "All this time you knew." 

"About what?" Ymir asked. "Reiner? Or do you mean I knew about humanity outside the walls?" 

"Everything."

"It's complicated," Ymir shrugged. 

"How is it complicated? How many lives could have been spared with the information you kept to yourself? Too many, probably."

"Maybe," Ymir looked up at the ceiling. "Maybe not. We don't know how things would have turned out." 

"Damn it Ymir," Historia mumbled. "You are so selfish." 

"You know it's more than that," Ymir told her patiently. "but maybe I am a bit selfish."

After a moment of silence, Ymir looked down at Historia. "Are you scared?" 

"Of course I am," her friend sighed. "What about you? Aren't you scared?" 

"Not really," Ymir answered honestly, leaning back on her palms and looking up at the ceiling. 

"How is it even possible for you to  _not_ be afraid right now?"

"Well," Ymir started. "I guess don't see the point in being scared." She closed her eyes and tried to remember the sixty years of her life that she spent incapable of feeling any emotion at all. She couldn't clearly remember everything from before she became a titan, but she knew she had been terrified then. That was a lifetime ago. Ymir was different now.

"You'll be fine," Ymir reassured her, after a moment. "Plus... think of the perks you will be able to enjoy, as queen. You won't have to fight anymore. You will be relatively safe. No more titans." Well...  _almost_ no more titans.  

"Facing titans might be easier than this," Historia responded, almost sadly. 

"Have you talked to him about it?" There wasn't any need to be more specific. They both knew who Ymir was talking about. 

Ymir was grateful for the time Historia had been spending with her lately. Her friend was being kept very busy, with all this talk of the wall cult, her family, and becoming queen. Her exhaustion was obvious, despite her efforts to try to hide it.  She tried to maintain her cheerful exterior, but Ymir could see how weary she was. She had even fallen asleep a couple of times when talking to Ymir like this. 

Despite this exhaustion, Historia also found time to spend with Reiner. 

"No." 

"No," Ymir agreed. "I suppose you can't." 

"Even if I could," Historia continued. "I'm not even sure what I would say." 

Ymir could empathize with Reiner. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together in the last couple of weeks they were stuck underground. She felt like she could understand him, now. He had changed a lot. Before, he was this big, strong, charismatic guy. He was annoyingly flirtatious, but also eager to help anyone who needed it. People had respected Reiner Braun of the 104th Training Corps. This Reiner was different. He was broken. 

Reiner had clearly enjoyed the love and respect of his comrades. He had plenty of that, before. Now... things were different. Now, he was loathed. Hated. Despised. All of the people who had grown to love and trust him now wanted nothing to do with him. Well...  _almost_ all of them.

"Do you trust him?" It seemed like a simple question, but Ymir knew it really wasn't. 

Historia hesitated before answering, and closed her eyes for a moment. "I think I do."

"I think you can," Ymir agreed. 

Historia didn't really respond. She chewed her lip and stared off into space.

Historia cared deeply for Reiner. Of that, Ymir was certain. It was an interesting dynamic, Ymir had to admit. She knew them both pretty well at this point, and she thought she had an understanding of what drew the two of them together. Sure, they had each been living a lie... but there was more to it than that. 

Reiner's lie wasn't really a lie at all. The guy he had been for the last three years she had known him... that was the person that Reiner wanted to be. Through sheer will and determination, he had forced himself become that person - the big brother that everyone looked up to... the top-ranking student who went out of his way to help the others improve. He wasn't the simpering kid he had been when Ymir first laid eyes on him five years ago. The Reiner of the 104th Training Corps was the best possible version of Reiner Braun. 

"I don't know what's going to happen to him," Historia said after what seemed like a long moment. "Or you, for that matter..."

"Well... maybe when you are queen, you will be able to do something," Ymir suggested. 

"Could I really, though? After... all of the things he has done... people might never accept him."

"You'll be queen. You can make them."

"I can't  _make them_ accept him... or forgive him." 

"No, I guess you're right," Ymir sighed. "It's a lot messier than that... he has a long and painful road ahead of him..." 

"I'll do whatever I can to help him," Historia spoke with a sureness that Ymir found to be comforting. 

"I'm sure you will," Ymir smirked. "Getting into his pants again would probably cheer him up some."

"Ymir!!!" Historia stared aghast at her friend, her face rapidly cycling through various shades of red. "Where the hell did that come from??" 

Ymir snickered a bit at Historia's reaction. 

"So you don't deny it."

Historia looked like she was going to smack Ymir silly, her eyes wide with horror and embarrassment. 

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Ymir added.  "We're teenagers. This is the kind of shit we are  _supposed_ to be doing. Plus... Reiner's kinda hot. I can't blame you for wanting to get with him." A devilish grin began to take shape on her face. 

Just when Ymir thought that Historia's face had gotten as red as it could possibly get, it got redder. 

"So... now that we have established that I know... do I at least get some juicy details? How was it?" 

"We aren't talking about this right now, Ymir." Historia was still red, but now she was trying her best not to laugh. Ymir was glad that she had succeeded in lightening the mood.

"Not even just a little bit?" Ymir raised her eyebrows and pretended to pout. "But I thought we tell each other everything."

"No."

"That bad huh?" 

Historia just closed her eyes and giggled into her hands. "No. It wasn't that bad."

Ymir managed to force  _some_ details out of Historia before she needed to leave for the night. 

* * *

Reiner was just about to fall asleep when Historia came to his room. She had the dark circles under her eyes that had seemed to become a permanent feature of her face, and her hair was tied back sloppily like usual. Despite her tired appearance, there was a lightness to her tonight. There was laughter in her eyes and her face was slightly flushed. 

"Everything alright?" he asked, sitting up in bed. 

For a second, Historia just stood there and smirked at Reiner. "Yeah. Ymir is just ridiculous." 

"She has her moments," he agreed, not knowing exactly what Historia was talking about. He smiled for her anyway. "I thought maybe I wouldn't see you today."

"Sorry," she said quietly, smiling slightly at him. "I just wanted to visit you before going to bed. Tomorrow is important, and I probably won't be able to see you for a couple days."

A couple days? That would be... lonely. Reiner supposed he always had Ymir to talk with, and he had genuinely enjoyed all of the interactions they had had lately. However, talking to her wasn't the same. She didn't radiate the same warmth that Historia did. 

"What's going on?"    

"We're making a move tomorrow," Historia began, yawning. She sat in her usual spot at the foot of the bed and told Reiner about the Reeves company, and how its leadership had agreed to work with the Survey Corps. She explained that the company was pretending to cooperate with the Military Police's First Squad. As part of the plan, they would hand Eren and Historia over to them. The Survey Corps would then follow them to wherever Eren and Historia were taken from there. They were hoping this would lead the Survey Corps. to the true ruler the world inside of the walls. 

Reiner didn't like it. It didn't make any sense to him.

"I don't understand," Reiner said, after she'd explained everything. "I don't get why they need you to act as bait. I get why the MPs would want Eren... but why you?" 

"I told you," Historia sighed. "My family is... important to the Wallist cult. If they're involved with this, then it makes sense for me to be there too. If me  _and_ Eren are there, it increases our chanced of attracting the right people." 

He supposed it made sense enough, but he still didn't like it.

"I'm going to worry."

Historia chuckled quietly and rolled her eyes. "Ymir said the same thing."

"Well we both care about you," Reiner reached up and scratched the back of his head nervously. 

It almost felt silly, having these feelings. There was too much else to be worried about. He shouldn't be nervous around her anymore, not after the last couple weeks. In the time he'd been kept underground, Historia visited him regularly. Sometimes, he wondered why. He assumed it was just her nature, and that she would have done this for any one of her friends, had they been in his position. He didn't dare think it was because she had any actual feelings for him, not after everything that had happened... not after everything she now knew. 

He'd be lying if he said he didn't have any feelings for her, though. Caring for her is arguably what got him into his current predicament. That was oversimplifying it though, he knew. It was obviously more than just her, but she helped him to see things differently. She helped him realize that he had a choice in who he aligned himself with. Thanks to her, he knew he could stop what he was doing. There wasn't just the one path forward. 

More than that, she had helped to keep him sane in these last couple weeks. Without her, Reiner suspected he would have torn himself apart by now.

"I'll be with Eren," she reassured him. "I'll be fine."  

Historia's words did little to soothe his concern.  This would be incredibly dangerous, even with Eren by her side. Reiner wasn't about to tell her what to do though. She was a soldier, and soldiers were expected to be willing to take risks when ordered to. She had faced titans before. Humans weren't nearly so dangerous, right? Even knowing all this, he hated that there was nothing he could do to help. He would be stuck here, while she risked her life above ground. 

"Just...Please be careful," he sighed after a moment.  

It felt like everything had been on pause for the last couple of weeks, but he knew that was only his perception. Everyone else had been busy working, planning. As much as he dreaded the future, these weeks hadn't been horrible. This new assignment Historia was a part of though... it was the Survey Corps continuing to charge forward. It was a reminder that he was no longer one of them. 

He was no longer a soldier of the Survey Corps, but he was also no longer a Warrior. He didn't know what the hell he was anymore. There were few things he was certain of, but he knew that he wanted Historia to be safe... that he would be devastated if something happened to her. He would worry about all of the others as well, even if they no longer thought of him as a friend... but his worry for Historia easily dwarfed his concern for anyone else.

"I'll be fiiine," she repeated. "But it's nice that you worry about me." She closed her eyes and laughed into her fist. She didn't seem to be concerned at all, and that made him feel a little better.

Reiner wondered how she would react if he kissed her then. It was just the two of them, alone in this room. It was a ridiculous thing to be thinking about, but he just couldn't help it. If it were a month ago, he might have actually done it.

He probably should have done it anyway, he realized after she said goodnight and left, shutting the door behind her.  The truth was that he owed her a lot, and he didn't know what he'd have done without the support she had given him in the time he'd been stuck there. It wasn't as if he deserved it, but he appreciated it nonetheless. He should have told her that, he realized after she'd already gone. 

* * *

_The next day..._

Hange anxiously paced the halls of their temporary base in Trost. So much new information had found its way to her in a matter of hours. She needed to process all of it. Erwin told her she should get away from here, and she would. Soon. She just needed a moment to think. She'd ordered everyone else to flee. It was just her now, and Moblit who she had asked to prepare their horses. 

 _So Dimo Reeves and his men were killed_ , she thought mournfully. She didn't know Dimo well, but he had been an ally. He legitimately cared about the people who lived in Trost district, and she admired his dedication to keeping the struggling city afloat. She'd never gotten to thank him for his help in capturing the MPs who had ended up spilling the secret about the true rulers within the walls: the Reiss family. 

First Pastor Nick, and now Dimo Reeves. The list of names just kept getting longer. Hange hated this. Even more than that, she hated that she had to ask even more of Flegel Reeves, who had witnessed the murder of his father and colleagues. If she were a better person, she would let him go into hiding. Hange never thought of herself to be a good person though. She was selfish. She would use him, because she  _had to._  He was the only one who witnessed what happened. Flegel Reeves would be the key to clearing the Survey Corps of the accusations that had been made against them. 

The murder of these men was being pinned on the Survey Corps, which was absolute nonsense. Erwin had been summoned to the capital to answer for the crimes, and the Survey Corps was ordered to cease all of its activities and submit to the Military Police until the matter had been settled. They would likely try to disband the Survey Corps, Hange suspected. They'd been creating too much trouble for the people in power. That did not bode well for Erwin, who was already being taken to the capital in chains. The thought made her skin crawl. 

The plan with Eren and Historia had failed. She wondered how the Military Police got word of Reeves' betrayal. She took small comfort in the thought that perhaps the First Squad had intended to kill the Reeves men no matter what. It would have been the most effective way to keep the whereabouts of Eren and Historia secret. 

 _It might not have been our fault_ , Hange kept telling herself. She tried to push the thought from her head as she considered what remained of the situation. There would be time for guilt later. 

Eren and Historia had been taken by the Military Police First Squad. This was bad.... They had only just learned how disposable Eren was to the people who were after him... just a vessel. They would take his titan power from him at the first opportunity, killing him in the process. Historia was more of a question mark. She was the king's bastard, but Hange failed to understand why that would make her so valuable. Erwin had been stumped too, when the two of them discussed this. 

Hange had so many new questions for her commander, and she had been given no chance to ask them. What was she supposed to do?  Erwin had declared her his successor as leader of the Survey Corps, but that didn't help her figure out what she would need to do next. 

_Think,_ _Hange_ _._

She needed to get out of here. She'd tucked Flegel Reeves somewhere she hoped he would be safe for the time being. 

Squad Levi and the other recruits were gone, probably tailing the group that took Eren and Historia. 

Soon she and Moblit would be heading to Stohess, to speak to an old acquaintance who might be able to help. She couldn't go off searching for Eren and Historia herself. She wouldn't know where to start. Hange had to believe that was what Levi and his squad were doing. She had at least been relieved that none of her comrades' bodies had been put on display in the street with those of Dimo and his men. They had to be alive. Assuming that they would be hot on the First Squad's trail, Hange intended to do what she could to ensure that the Survey Corps had a future. 

Before that though, there were other matters that needed to be attended to. She had one final decision to make, regarding the prisoners – or "assets", as Erwin had called them.

On one hand, Hange did not fully trust Reiner or Ymir. On the other hand, she didn't trust either of the other military branches to take custody of them either. The two of them had been cooperative in these last couple weeks, but they had both been responsible for varying degrees of horror... Reiner more so. Ymir's greatest crime was keeping her own secret, but a secret that could have saved numerous lives had she chosen to be open about it months ago. 

Surrendering the two of them to another faction was not an option, particularly with the central government's interest in keeping the truth of the world a secret from the general public. There's no telling what they would do if they got their hands on Reiner or Ymir. The only remaining choice was a gamble, but one that Hange knew Erwin himself would likely make if their roles were reversed. This gamble could prove disastrous, but it was the only option. 


End file.
